The journey is the destination by Dan Eldon

I have been looking for photography for my work with high school students.
There are many good photography yet to talk about life and what feels like to be alive, I decided to choose Dan Eldon's work as the one of the opening to the class.

Dan eldon is a year older than me and he lived in Kenya. He went to International school of Kenya.His works in the book begin in his early teenage hood,combination of photography, collage, drawing and text.

What I like the most in his works are the strength and profound belief that we exist equally. Despite today's world still being unequal,hostile,jealous,and full of unjustified hatred, i believe that the way Dan lived is the future form of our society.

Mostly I like his works with his friends, Inspirations he shared in relationships, adventure and creation. These are equally important to his revolt and protest towards life conditions and his works as war photographer.

" To explore the unknown and the familiar,Distant and near, and record in detail with the eyes of a child, any beauty,(of flesh or otherwise) horror,irony,traces of utopia or hell." Dan Eldon

This book can be ordered by Chronicle books

Looking for the " tree in the sun"

Finally I was able to complete a small research photography work.
This piece is composed with 35 images and it is a homage to Tazuka Osamu and inspired by his work "tree in the sun"
This is my personal research on" what is Japan" based upon the managa master's life and his work that takes in the late 19 century.
I wish people can see these images and get the idea of how complex this country is, where many periods of history co-exist in the present and going forward with time.

This work is currently presented in a group show " hommage to Tezuka" at Espace Japon, 12 rue de nancy 75010 paris, Tuesday - Friday 13h-19h/ saturday 13h-18h.

Stamps by la Tampographe Sardon

Last winter, I was meeting my friend A.S.,le Visage Vert to visit this man who is a stamp master.
He was late, A.S. never met him either. I don't remember how they came in contact but she was going to buy a box full of stamps for her brother who was fascinated by birds.
She told me that the guy is suppose to have dread locks. Pretty young etc.
We were eating lunch and she told me i don't need to look out for him ,she will.
Sometime later a tall man with black shirt, with shaved head enters the cafe. He had particular eyes that were formed with kindness, sadness,anger and equality that was striking.
We head back to his atelier which was chaotic but a treasure land, he showed us the process of making stamp and we ate one of the best cakes in Paris la petite rose (shh, this is a secret,it is a very good address so please eat their food with special people!)
He explained me about the world of metaphysics, which i knew nothing about.
My point of this article was to speak about this artist, La Tamographe sardon, who makes revolted,provocative and pure stamps which is reasonable.
He gave us each a stamp, and his comic book NENEREF (long run seller) above.

Stamp: http://le-tampographe-sardon.blogspot.com/
comic book : http://www.ego-comme-x.com/spip.php?auteur16

Cameras

I have been looking for good film cameras to replace my old ones.
Many of my friends are now using digital cameras and i have also been using it myself.
But somehow there are something missing... I know it is practical but I prefer to shoot in film cameras.
Photography for me is rewinding the film and pushing the button where the big sound of mirror makes the rhythm. It is that sound created by the camera give me the movement and possibility to find what i am looking for. These elements are why i like photographing, not knowing what will be the result and giving the best to the moment because there is no other way. Thinking and choosing exactly what we want to do.With digital camera,i am not afraid enough because i can always shoot another frame if i don't have the result I wish.

There are many used camera in the market but I think people are now going for mechanical ones as we see how cheap the contax electrical camera became.
Today,many of the new cameras are made by the same company: Phenix.Nikon,Kenko are also said to be made there.

It is interesting to Observe the way images are shot in 35mm today.
Tendency is static composition as we are standing still and photographing from our own height.
There are physical restriction in larger camera but for 35 mm, it should be much easier to move with digital camera as it is lighter. but maybe the speed of shooting each frame is too fast,that doesn't allow the continuous movement from photographer's body from one frame to another.
I will collaborate with a friend who is a dancer in my next residency. which is exciting and will be another learning experience for me.

combat: Operation speciale réservée aux participants

combat: Operation speciale réservée aux participants

Les étoiles de survie by Yoyo Gonthier

© Yoyo Gonthier

In my past post i spoke of Yoyo gonthier's website and said that I will write about some of his works.This post is the first and i choose this series because I think it is a good place to enter in his works. Through this work we can see his preoccupation and interest towards his roots told through objects.We can not simplify his work by just a simple search of roots as he speaks through his work, our common basic rights of existence. In this series Les étoiles de survie which was part of the series LES LANTERNES SOURDES 1998-2004, we can experience the feelings of traveling far, to unknown destination. How our ancestors traveled without knowing what to expect in the new land, with much hope to find the better life and fear of what may be the future, and endured the travel condition that was long and physically difficult at times. Air plane did change our present history but the most dramatic changes that happened were by movements of ships. These photographs are tender and optimistic but contains the smell of sweat and blood, the sensation of step towards realization of dream and domination that happened in our history.
To see this series Les étoiles de survie

Strolling in between words and images

My hobby is listening to personal stories from diverse people.
These stories are sometimes less than a minute long, and other times they take many years to unfold.
I enjoy stories that have a brightness, a personal truth that no one else can perceive.
What I learn about life isn’t taught anywhere else, except in these stories.
In these stories sometimes there is darkness but a brightness flows from them which eventually light up to the surrounding shadow.
I like to look at a story teller face with admiration and appreciation for offering me an inspiring travel and/or breaking the darkness.
These stories usually don’t represent big adventures as such, but they contain poetic qualities and they live within me.
They contain a brightness that shines in different tones. I can stroll among and in between their words and imagine scenes where I am standing beside the story teller.
My artwork is a continuation of this link, based on my experience and my encounters with these people and their stories.

My first series, entitled “Brain Cells”, was based on stories that I heard from other people, as well as my own. These stories were interpreted visually, with an emphasis on expressions of how it feels to be alive.

At present, my work is heading in the same direction, however, I am attempting to go further than I have gone before by shaping an idea in forms.
The forms are sensations of an idea and not an answer. They are often emotional.
I choose ideas with the intention to encourage viewers to go forward with their lives.
My inspiration comes from meeting people; and hearing, experiencing and accumulating their stories. I then weave history, sociology, ethnology and an understanding of present society into my interpretation of the stories and the sensations they give me.
By combining all of these elements I am attempting to connect myself to another through my work. I am attempting to connect my personal space to a common space of shared experience; to connect myself as an individual to the community, and to connect others in the same way.

The works are based on photographs taken in the context of everyday lives.
They are inspired by my multiple origins. As if listening to stories, I work with instinct by randomly accumulating images.
I look at the images and try to find ideas in them. Ideas evoked by images are mingled with stories that are inside me and surround me.
Little by little an idea becomes conscious in my mind. Then suddenly an idea becomes visual forms. I then attempt various experiments in order to find the technical choice which corresponds to the idea behind each series.

The Core of my work contains a question: how to keep on living in the present within a society among memories from the past.

My main interest in visual expression is exploring the basic essence of experiences which we all have in common. For example, breathing, and experience which is primary and may not be significant to most of us, but is constantly there and keeps us alive.
.

I would like my works to be a space for transmission, sharing and meaningful exchange between people.

In some ways, my art is like a cafe where people can meet, feel, speak, create, have fun and share personal thoughts and feelings with others.

I feel we need these places in our contemporary society where we can say or be what is meaningful to us rather than what we are suppose to be or say. To be able to give of oneself to others and to receive without mockery ( making other people look ignorant) is so important, especially in our contemporary society, which is so competitive.

I believe that people all have something valuable to give one another; and that laughter can be born after something personal is shared.

For me art is a process. The process of sharing that exists between words, sounds, movements, presences, images, objects, you, me and everyone else.

What physically exist is the key to opening up the experience called “art”.

My Neighbors the yamada

This is one of the best animation film in my mind. I like the choice giving the value to drawings, the music, humor and the subject- family.

http://www.yoyogonthier.com

Yoyo Gonthier's official website launched last night.
In the past article I spoke about his work, outre- mer.
What does Yoyo do?
Yoyo is a artist photographer who lived in diverse places but is originally from Reunion.
It is hard to make a direct relations to a place and him but Reunion is his inspiration and he had definitely made his roots there.
His work consist of two aspects : reality and imaginary allied by movements ( colonial history, immigrations, borders and adventure.)
This site consist of not only photography but also drawings, work shops and music.
In the future,I will write on some series of his work as it is hard to generalize as they are dense.
I like to recommend you to see his site.

http://www.yoyogonthier.com/‏

Sprint runner Tezuka Osamu

I often talk about people who create in terms of runner.
Tezuka Osamu was a champion of sprint, he needs to touch that white ribbon every single time. He had an incredible strength in energy,and he had probably ran different distance race one after another and had not allow himself to lose.

I personally hate competition but if i had to participate in running competition and i had to compete with Tezuka, I will not feel bad about competing.

He was a rival of many, he called them a rival and sometimes he behaved incorrectly. (which were shown in a documentary by NHK.) When i saw these scenes, i thought he had a bad character.

In superficial ways Tezuka sounded like he disliked most people's work.
But this attitude was something positive in his work because he kept working and consciously made changes in style and kept communicating the core ideas that he believed.
I think he was actually conscious of other people's talents and was afraid of losing.
I think other mangaka got used to his character and in someways they were extremely happy when he told them good things about their work.
Because many of them were inspired by him as he was hard working and talented artist.

I read in another blog that he apparently said "Don't be an artist, be an artisan."
I understood this phrase as voice of his passion for drawing and somewhere I understand that he was not an naked emperor but a man who love to draw and always wanted to get better and kept going forward with struggle.

Tezuka believed in importance of life, not just human lives but what surrounds us and what is beyond.
He gave many knowledge to us and talked about importance of will to live and will to go forward.
What i especially like in Tezuka's manga's and animations is that he kept accompanying the audience with changing time, especially relationship of Japan with Occident that is not easy to deal with.
"Hidamari no ki" is one of the works that deals with this subject. It made me feel positive about the process of changing time.
These are personally important subjects for me and i think this work we can be applied directly to our present time.

In early days Tezuka's books were burnt by school teachers and PTA members because they believed that manga made their kids stupid.

I know this was true because my mother did not allow manga in the house. She was a child who probably grew up with these ideas.
I used to love going to hair dressers because this was the only time i could read manga. One day i was concentrated in Manga, i did not even see that my hair was all chopped off. I don't remember what i was reading but manga often made us dream and this dream is essential force for us to look at life in another way.

I wished i came across Tezuka's works in my childhood, I did not know better about manga. I read what ever it was available. Today,in domain of Animation we can experience great works by Takahata Isao and Miyazaki Hayao in many countries easily.
My son is lucky to grow up with these works.

I will soon again see Tezuka's Phoenix 2772 which is also a very good film.

My quest for Tezuka's work will continue for another few weeks.

Memory by Tezuka Osamu

These days i am researching on Tezuka Osamu who is called "God of Manga"
This is my favorite experimental film by Tezuka at the moment because this includes many of the ideas that i am interested in. Tezuka said in one of his last lectures to the high school children that Keep the hardest memory close to you because this will be helpful to you one day.

Direction of the blog

I decided to take another direction on this blog.
It had became somehow sterile as i mixed too much things, my works, other people's works and so on and i lost the point.
Now i decided to concentrate on 2 aspects.
1. Discovery of works ( art , books etc) that inspires me and somehow is linked to my works.
2. personal reflection, news on my works and daily life.
Will try to Blog more often.

Poster of Combat with teenagers/ eductation

Finally, the work with teenagers is finished by form of a poster, 48 x 69 cm.
This poster is supposed to be folded in two in the middle and then folded in 3 in like archdeacon, then again in half.

It looks like a propaganda for Mac creteil as well as eduction.

My preoccupation these days is concerning children's education, how to create richness in diversity by not creating a ghetto in my neighborhood.
I live in city center and my road is the borderline for the rich and working class.
We all want the best for our children but at this point, we don't seem to find a solution to construct together with the local city hall and the parents of all nationalities to link with each other for better mixture.
Our neighborhood primary school is a beautiful school where there are concentration of Chinese people. Language barrier ? Many parents decides to put there children in a school in the next district because they say the level of education in our neighborhood is not up to the standards.I heard that it is a ghetto of the Chinese community and people who have no financial abilities.It is bit strange as public schools are all the same price everywhere in France.
Most parents have no time, therefore we select the options that seems the most decent one, quietly move out our kids to better schools.
But aren't local authorities here to find a better solution for well functioning of a community?
Aren't we there to create a society that is little bit easier for people to live and take a part in construction ?
I want to at least voice my opinion to help the school to get better by speaking openly about this problem and learning all opinions and discussing with the local city hall for seeking better solution.

Matsuri

When I was a child, i used to look forward to this event, the sound of drums and flute in the town , there was some kind of excitement in the air.
We used to carry the mikoshi with friends and shout.
It was a once a year event and as the air got hotter and neighborhood stores began to put posters, we knew that was it, the time was approaching.
We used to play games ,eat and hang out in the crowd, and occasionally join the circle of bon dance and imitate the person in front of us.

These photographs were taken long time after in a town next to the sea where i hoped to find another paradise.

The day we arrived it was raining like cats and dogs and this was the day i went to this festival.

I walked in the crowd and felt something so close and so far.

cold click brain clear

My body temperature is down.

I feel that between the finger tips to the arms the cold is running as fast marathon runner.
I touch my palm and i feel the warmth.
Actually there are still the heat, even in this cloudy afternoon.
the frozen temperature was like a poison in my body, i spit it out, but i accumulated so much now it is pretty comfortable to live with the numbness.
I feel suddenly tired and i lay down.
I close my eyes but within my brain, he is whispering, you have to go out, you need to work.
I had a superficial sleep of non silence.
It was too noisy that makes me get up with a headache, head spinning, wanting to vomit.

I live such a round life. Loneliness is so hard to achieve in present life.
People often talk to me about Loneliness,as if it was the worst disaster, but being alone in a space where we want to be is a luxury.
I wish i was able to have some months of solitude where i did talk only in the evenings
.
His face glow when we spoke of this i know he had been out cast as i had been.
Desperate he was,as to conquer his thought of eternal loneliness, he goes on challenging his fears go to the opposite ground to test his ability and resistance.
I see him riding a bicycle, telling me that he is going to the opposite ground to test what he can do.... but it isn't that heroic as it seems in my mind.

Why do you have to share these thoughts. why do you have to say it ?
okay i guess you are right. I stop expressing what needs to be said because this way people can continue to live in their own happiness.
But by saying what i say changes nothing at all, nothing really changes but you tell me not to say them because they are personal.

People hurt others with the most painful experience they heard from another.
They think they can hit the right button, but this pain isn't real because it was cause by bad intention and it never strike one's heart because we are little bit smarter than this.

Most people don't like stories that is positive and meaningful really.
They prefer pain because they feel it can physically touch them. They also like false optimism, that is for yuppies who think the world goes around in the same rhythm for all of us based upon their lives.

He tells me that he shouldn't have been born, repeatedly he says I should have not been born.

I push the shutter of a camera, I photographed the prepared strawberries in a bowl and in another frame the rest of all the rotten parts and stems . All of the sudden , my head ache goes. my head is clear again.

You are my star

How I should count my bliss to meet such beautiful people in my life.
Every single person in this photograph is my shinning star.
They taught me what is life by sharing who they are.
Our work will be soon presented and I am glad i have done it.

The Most beautiful Object : La Poupee Colonette

This post was inspired by proposition of Lucile,blog art & Deco, Défi photo : votre plus bel objet art/déco/graphisme/design Thank you Lucile!

Product of colonization, the doll-colonette represent a little Caucasian girl that remains in the memories of couple of generations of African children.
The retro style unites childhood, all cultures in the same innocent nostalgia.

Please read the rest of the info on the blog of facteur celest , here.

beginning of 2007,i spoke to Delphine Kohler in her shop that used to be on rue Quincampoix.
Her shop was with full of beautiful objects but further we went in it looked more and more like a home.
She told us about Carnival, how every year she organizes workshop to create costume with kids from the neighborhood.
I loved the idea and said I would come back.
Couple months later in Tokyo, I met her friend Sachiko Morita that translated the text in Japanese about the Colonette.

Last week I was invited to a birthday party that was organized at Delphine's house.
I could not at the beginning put the two faces together and all of a sudden, I understood this was the woman who organized carnival workshop for neighborhood kids.
Her gentle and giving attitude towards people shook me. It felt like the word "Time is money" never existed on earth.
I saw her work with les fille du facteur, and got very excited.

But first I really felt it was important to speak about this doll, Colonette, that Delphine gave the importance to and I find it also fascinating as an object to question colonial history,childhood and the way we want to live.

The most beautiful object : Tamano Paris

This post was inspired by proposition of Lucile,blog art & Deco, Défi photo : votre plus bel objet art/déco/graphisme/design.





Since many years, i became less and less attached to objects.
But I must say that i love objects that tell stories.

This shoes is made by Tamano, a Japanese artisan shoe maker based in Paris.
All her shoes is made for each clients,in series.
It is up to each client to choose their colors, materials and ways to put them on.
So how does this shoe tell a story?
If you want to know, please visit her atelier/ shop at:157 rue Saint Martin,18 Passage Molière,75003 PARIS.
Shoe making is her passion and a profession with conscious reflection towards living.
She knows mass production is the better way of running business as she done in the past. She knows how costly it is to buy materials just for quantity that she needs but this is what she chooses do.
She will not tell you that her shoes are "ecologically correct",but she will rather tell you why she had started to make children's shoes.... because of her daughter.

Her shoes are simply elegant and leaves many collaboration possibilities for people to enjoy their creativity.

A true artisan that cares about what she makes for people.

Wow!

Another night in the Louvre post office.
I should write a story about this place, during the late evening before the Cinderella time.
I go to this post office frequently, I went on 31 December and it was empty.
A usual guy who shouted at me last time was smiling, asking me if i did not celebrate new years.
I said i do but more starting 1st of January, not really the 31st.
I don't see what i want to do with people on 31st.
Get Drunk, get trashed and say Happy new year?
Na, this is not my kind of way to celebrate new years... i love the morning sun shine of the first day of the year. In silence, I think of the first dream I had and smell the Japanese soup for the new year and eat the number of black beans that is same as my age.

Anyhow, I did have a good news.
Out of 2250 files, I got offered a residency. There were 6 artist selected.
I just said WOW! That is worth the trip in the evening at the post.

There is not much relationship to the image and the story but this image presents my pre-occupation about my work.
I just want to work more and more with people.
I am not an educator, and will not become one but I want to work with other people to be able to create together.
It is the process that is my central interest at present.

We talk about the problems of collective work , not being able to achieve the level of personal work.
I have seen this artist who work often with students and he creates his work with them. His image looks great, and we cross the border of idea on collective work to personal work.

He works well with the number of people, installing them in strategic point.
But my question is were students active participants or just a living dolls?

This is the same thing as making images which i have been doing since many years and recent few years are disillusioned about.
We can fit anyone in our personal vision.
We can make the most sentimental image with unsentimental person.
If we know how to make it, we can make a dead animal to make us feel life and emotions.
If we dominate, we can make the exact image we have in mind.
I am revolted by this way of image making, where the subject isn't active and you make it as if there are established shared moments.
The border between forced domination and the real exchange is difficult to see and most times when the domination is strong , image becomes strong.
It is impossible to justify what exist or not....and anyway images are supposed to be creation of people behind the camera.

I want to be freer than this. Even i know my uncompleted series consist of the same quality and questions.

I would be able to reach a point that is less about making but letting it happen and not provoking for it to happen but it happens because both people make it happen....

It sounds like something we know?

As I am thinking of the great workshop that Jean Francois Bauret gave when i was a student. It was a workshop on Nude, which were physical and probably the most instinctive way to get into photography.

Did you know that you were loved?

In France between 35-44 years old suicide is the first reason for cause of death.
A man who used to make bear statues is dead.
He killed himself.
After a performance of ed wood she strips her black dress to the pink one, Mexican motif textile, representing death.
She starts putting the snap shots from daily life on the floor,forcing the audience to make space.i see an audience starts crying... i hear someone is sniffing their nose.Soon more and more people are in tears silently.
Public froze.
We dived into loss of this man who many in the room knew and loved.
There is a violin player, friends and family are crying the girl spreading the photo wrote on the envelope that contained the photos."go fly"
My body wanted to cry because being around so much people in tears.
I was sad that people had to go through the pain of loosing the loved one.... yet at the same time i wondered if the person knew.
Did you know you were loved by many? Did you see they were here next to you?
I guess suicide is a state where self is the only thing that exist..... or at least the big space consist of it.
I told Yoyo about this experience that marked me because people cared... i said that i don't think i will have so many people crying over my death. He says this is a fragility that we have, moving people....
He says we can't all of sudden be nice to someone because we want them to come to our funeral....and anyway we are already dead by then.

That night i saw the sculpture that the man made..... mini white bear facing the wooden corner, face broken and shiny body remains.

Some objects from the sea

Akko

Akko is a photo journalist that turned into a gallery owner in Bangkok.
She is positive, curious, kind and fun person that makes me realize that life is wonderful if we want it to be.
This photo taken by my son.

beach

The only thing i dream of is to be able to go to the beach every day, smell the ocean and hear the waves.

The Paradises sculptor

Paradises sculptor is called Somchai, who lives among his more than life size sculptures. We enter the gate made out of gigantic women one has a snake body that leads us to his house. Once we walk on top the snake woman's body we arrive to erotic paradise, where all female sculpture has a peaceful and smiling expression, where they are goddess, free and playful. There are mokeys with breast, cobra, huge hands with lines, it is a sacred land where we can feel as life can not be otherwise.
I fell in lost with this space and his works.

Blue house

So where are you staying ?
I am staying in the blue house... little further away.
Well this means you have a foot inside the resort now, one step to the actual resort.
Yes, but i like it in the blue house....where there is no number.
You will get in soon...
my first sweet night under the mosquito net.... actually i did see some ants.
Well you know how it goes in this blue house.
My poetic first morning in this friendly resort where actually people are welcoming and considerate.

Blah blah double

Memories 1

Couldn't find you

I looked for you everywhere when i got off the plane, it was early morning, i smelled you but you changed, i was looking for some sign, some thing about you that i remembered.I slept and was surrounded by the smell of you, again I kept on looking and realized that you were gone.

Morning walk

5 : 30 am, one morning in BKK, walking in the park looking at the sun and the moon uniting. so bright. Our first morning in this fascinating city where everything jungle mingle.
How traffic works in this city where Buddhist taxi drivers drive fast and BTS the sky train fully air conditioned, hot and sweet air hits us when the door opens.

Blond Ambition

I made a new blog on my work Blond Ambition.
Address : www.blondambition.fr
Please do give me some feed backs.

CARRE-AMELOT Exhibition

Truimph and Blond Ambition will be exposed at La Rochelle, CARRE AMELOT from January 15 to Febuary 21,2009.

10 rue Amelot LA ROCHELLE 17000 France

For further information about the exhibition is here.

I will also show " bride's briber" from Seesaw spotting.

2009-1-1

Sans toi je n'suis plus moi, j'derive a l'infini / Serge Gainsbourg

Without you I am no longer me, I drift to infinity. / Serge Gainsbourg


Thank you to mail art call organized by Roswitha Guillemin, I had an opportunity to think about Serge Gainsbourg.

I had sent her a print and i decided to make a new year greetings with this image and a phrase.

Have a wonderful 2009!

Visons of social observations : Henri Kaufman and Exactitudes.com

Exactitudes® Ari Versluis and Ellie Uyttenbroek, http://www.exactitudes.com

Croquis 100 crayon (18) par Henri Kaufman

Un groupe d'ados (14/15 ans) est près de moi, dans le métro. Il est 8h. Ils vont en cours et, à haute voix, se chamaillent et discutent "ado". J'y prête une oreille lointaine. Ils descendent à la station Villiers (pour aller au lycée Carnot ?) En s’engouffrant vers la sortie, l'un d'entre eux me bouscule avec son sac à dos. C'est le dernier de ce petit groupe de 4/5. Il ne s’excuse pas. Je le regarde s’éloigner et remarque tout à coup ses cheveux bien peignés, avec une raie impeccable sur le côté droit. Cette raie parfaite ne me plait pas. J'imagine ce garçon dans une quinzaine d'années, en blazer à boutons dorés, bousculant ses collaborateurs ou ses fournisseurs. Me trompe-je ?................. ici pour tout le texte.

When I was younger my mother begged me to dress correctly to meet people. I would say no because I did not agree to this concept of adapting to social context via dressing, I was confident that I could connect with people without these codes but it would be a lie if I say I was not a fashion freak when i was a teenager to only couple of years ago. Somehow today I changed, i don't really feel that I need to express myself via dressing. I don't really take care of how i am seen, i guess because I think I offer something else to people rather than my out look. Few years ago my mother laughed at me saying that I looked like a maid. I was just dressed in simple t-shirt and trousers.In some parts of Asia people are very careful about how they look and what they represent within the society. I just laughed and said I don't mind, I prefer to look like maid than shallow bourgeois ..... but actually
somewhere more the time goes and getting older I sometimes wonder if my ideal and my attitude are ineffective resistance.
There are moments I say it would be nice if I could be little bit more conscious of my statement via dressing, the social codes.
My view on ideal way of dressing is how Gandhi dressed.
A political stance that expressed his vision.But he was also using this as a tool of communication.
Clothes that cover our body is the first step to exist in many civilization.
It is also to protect us from weather changes and protect fragility of our body.
We are living with this social codes. Today the power of media is stronger that creates the same identity in the world....which creates a uniform that gives the impression that we are choosing our own identity and belonging. Even we can view this as a superficial way, it more profound than we think. We are living in the time we think we have a lot of choice but often we are not thinking what is our real choice and what come from education.

These are two works that made me react as I discovered their existence.The text above was inspired by these two works.

I discovered exactitudes.com work by Ari Versluis and Ellie Uyttenbroek on Telerama couple of months ago. When I saw this work, I was profoundly affected. I felt that their social observation and constructing of 12 photographs in the same surface via the way people dressed and putting them in the same position (exactitudes) was captivating. I couldn't forget about this work because this is what is happening in our society. I kept on going back to their work and I just kept on speaking about it with different people who are interested in our society.
I saw a video interview with the photographer that explains about his works and how even they may look the same the individuality exists with the idea we can experience the full vision.
Most people I spoke to are touched by this work, they often say that they are part of it.Yesterday I spoke with a person who told me that there is no dialogue within the 12 images.
I found this opinion interesting. we,the public dialogue with exactitude photographs but each images do not dialogue within.

The second work is from blog of Henri Kaufman,The series of sketches with words especially in between his meeting or destination. These sketches are another social observation, quite precise sketches from daily life,with touch of his personal imagination and experiences.
When I read the croquis 18, I was thinking about mass movements that happened in history such as period of war and non-dialogue except with the intimate circle....Are people really thinking only about themselves and just being a sheep to the present system? Are young generation different from mine or Henri's? Are we we robots that only serves the people with power having the idea that we have liberty because of consummation and information from medias and Pushing everyone down wishing to have the financial and power wealth ? Or Can we evolve with higher consciousness to build our society in another way because we have the strong conditions in our present society that gives us opportunities to think and dialogue?

I ask myself of individualism in the society, I ask myself about a capitalist imposition to our existence. We live less than 100 years, and I often wonder how can we contribute to the present society.

chose m'a toujours laissé stupéfait / something always left me open-mouthed

" L'idée que l'art dirait quelque chose m'a toujours laissé stupéfait: l'art ne dit rien du tout. C'est la part culturelle qui peut délivrer des messages, tandis que la part artistique fait circuler les flux, les énergies. On peut dire qu'elle fait circuler la joie, le plaisir de vivre : je ne crois pas du tout au malheur qui est une idée pourtant assez répandue. Dans le domaine artistique, le malheur ne concerne que l'individu. La part artistique, ludique, énergétique est forcément joyeuse.

Extrait de l'entretien avec Riwan Tromeur
Le 8 septembre 2007 à Sauilly en Bourgogne

http://www.lisieres.com/riwantromeur.html

The idea that art says something always left me open-mouthed. art says nothing at all. It's from cultural part that one can deliver messages, what art does is to make the flux, energy move. We can say that it moves joy, the pleasure of living:
I don't believe at all in unhappiness even it is the idea that is widely spread.
In artistique domaine unhappiness only involves the individual.
The artistic part is fun and energetic only can be joyful.

When I was a student, almost from the first class with Tromeur, I used to disagree with him.
When he told me that I could understand naturally what he was saying because I am Japanese, I used to say I don't agree that this is the reason why i understood him or not. He would always smile and say but you do understand what I am saying, don't you?
and sometimes I would say Yes, sometimes No.
I never wanted to be a teacher's pet or act like i understood everything they said and agreed because i believe in exchange rather than a constant receiving. In artistic sense, I was against the idea of making works that could only be following foot steps.
He is the only ex- teacher I see. Because he is a non-dominant, joyful,meaningful and thoughtful person.

I found what he said was clear and motivating.

Combat @ Mac Creteil

More photos here

Photography: Bernd Lauber
Text : Catherine Aflalo
Coordination, Advice : Anne- Marie
Installation: Klod , Sabine, Raphael, Miki
Screening : Emilie
Lights : team of Mac Creteil

Mac Creteil
Place Salvador Allende 94000 Creteil
01.45.13.19.16

Exposition jusqu'a 13 decembre 2008
mardi- samedi : 13:00-18:30
et soirs de representation

Rencontre avec Miki Nitadori
Samedi 29 novembre : 15:00-18:00

Business-Choice-Partnership-Good team

In the end all business operations can be reduced to three words: People, products and profits.
Unless you've got a good team, you can't do much with the other two. Lee Lacocca

I learn often from Business people. They are living in a world a part from mine but when I met people that run business companies, their view points have been inspiring.

This is another quote that inspired me this summer.

During a business negotiation, if a person ask to have your wife, and when you ask for his wife in exchange and he can't give you his wife, I withdraw from the deal. Kawsaki

This is a interesting point. I was asking him how to withdraw from a business partnership. He says it is at the beginning.

I think we learn from mistakes but i think we who work as an artist, often are saying Yes before listening to the answer of the eventual partner.

There are so many talented artist in the world and often we are in the illusion that we don't have a choice.

We do have choices and making a choice is important, they don't choose us, we choose each other...because this is where things can fall...if what you do is important don't collaborate with people who can't give you what they are asking you to give.

People who don't respect you from the beginning or you dislike are out, even they may seem to have the mighty power.

Would we want to put our most precious person in the hand of the man who can't even do the same?

We are definitely putting our wife in danger.

We say yes to give our wife in exchange to a partner's wife's hair?

Hair grows....but wife don't come back......even we cry out and fight for wife to come back or accuse that our wives been physically damaged.....this is our mistake......we did not see the importance of partnership ..... the essence of good team.

Luckily in reality art works are not your wife... but what he is saying is that for decisions, you need to think as if it is the most important person in your life .

It can be a friend or unknown person in front of you.... at the end we pay for our YES in many levels.

We need to think that this Yes stays fair, at least fair that we need to value a good team and compensate people who gave their wives to you.

Mostly people who claim for something is only giving their wife's hair, ask to be compensated with money or their benefit and being credited when things happen.

These demands are so much for so little they gave, probably it is because somewhere they never saw what art works are about.

We don't make art works for artist..... we make it for other people to see and experience.

I think that a good team collaboration is the key to successful project.

Invitation exposition: 06 novembre - 13 decembre, Combat, Manual for daily survival, Mac,creteil‏‏

« Voir au loin, remercier, écouter, se boucher lesoreilles, rire, vérifier, s’élancer, refuser, crier, susurrer, se cacher– un peu, beaucoup –, provoquer, accueillir, recueillir,embrasser, réfléchir, rêver, appeler, se réjouir, attendre, sourire,attraper...

Miki Nitadori dévoile notre être dans ces gestesqu’elle capte, auxquels elle donne un socle vibrant de couleurs, etqu’elle expose dans « Combat, manuel d’une survie quotidienne »,cette œuvre rayonnante, unique et multiple, personnelle et pourtant universelle. Elle se fait l’interprète généreuse d’une communautéqui peut ainsi partager ce qu’elle a de plus intime et de plus opérant :ce qui, parfois mieux que des mots,encourage à vivre.

Ce faisant, elle nous offre de nous reconnaître dans cequi nous dépasse, magnifie attitudes et tempéraments, élargit le vocabulairevital et confirme que nous ne manquons pas toujours du courage d’être ceque nous sommes. »

Catherine Aflalo


Je vous invite a découvrir mes nouveaux travaux de 'Combat manual for daily survival'. Cette exposition est enrichie par la participation d'une centaine de personne et par l'acheminement plus complet du concept dans son ensemble, ainsi que par des pièces inédites.
Cet évènement aura lieu à partir du Jeudi 6 novembre (18h30 pour le vernissage), à la Maison des Arts de Créteil, et jusqu'au 13 décembre.
Vous etes les bienvenus pour le vernissage et tout au long de la durée de l'exposition entre le mardi et samedi de 13h30 jusqu'à 18h00 ainsi que les soirs de représentation.

When I woke up that morning

That morning,I woke up at 6:30.
I was in this city to say good bye to what had happened... full of hope for change, bit lonely and excited.
I look out and this was what I saw.

Soul within me

I saw her tears falling from eyes and felt mine running down the cheeks....
Probably We looked like two little girls,soaked, bare and unprotected.
People around us were shocked, they didn't know what was happening.
We were crying out of joy to see each other, spend a moment, exchange few words, recognize that we exist within one another and let go.

In my mind,there are two of us jumping up and down for 2 hours during a concert in Zenith, we had so much energy that even his brother saw us from stage.
He was the first person who encourage me to continue with what I do.
He believed in what i do and pushed me forward to gain confidence.
He was my light....a very wise humble kind joyful depressed person who gave the best to others.

They are two souls among others that exist within me....They became my force to grow, to smile,to give,to receive and to share.

Now

The brain is making lots of noise this morning, as Tony used to say the continuous dialog, but very pleasant one that tickles my body.

I guess I am in lust with everyone who gave me so much positivity so I could realize the project and all the people who took the time to come and see the work who shared their good vibrations, feed backs..

It is gray this morning, This is the light I first landed in Europe.

Last night I was talking about why I make Combat.

A person told me " but your work looks so decorative."

We are too concentrated in what it "looks like" rather than what is beyond the surface, inside and how we communicate.

Form is the essence in visual art but there are "shells" and "forms" and we often forget to ask "why" images exist as it is.

"shells" for many people became a ruled language rather than bare experience of seeing.

Some people only concentrate on what they know about category of "shells" and if the aesthetic corresponds to it.

As if everything was a quiz that had a right answer or if visual forms are products.....if it sells well we don't care about the content, if it looks like what we are used to seeing we put into box with different labels without questioning.

"But in contemporary art"..... "But in photography".......I guess i am not doing any of that, Just being, making, feeling, thinking and communicating.

Many things are becoming too much about "the shell" as the world had never been over loaded with so much visual elements.

We are over educated by liberalism, in what things should look like and being submissive to this system and forgot to really see and live in the society that we are creating together.

We are today in a world that most people want to be better than "Friends", "Colleague" or "Neighbor"and many times people will try to nail you down by finding false reason to be angry and compare and say"I am better than you. you can't be doing what you do." rather than bring eachother up.

Even with my over expansive being, I attempt to live with others by bringing each other up at least intentionally rather than pushing people down......

I saw the alcoholic neighbor screaming during my projection, he was there for a while and angry. (when I saw him the day before, he was calm.) People can't stand things that is opposite to oneself I guess it is because they feel it denies their existence.

I was only trying to say that we exist.

Today, we have the possibility to become much closer and stronger as a community and individuals.

I think it is much more interesting to try to go forward together .... but time is limited and we can't go on forever trying to get through to people who only see their belly button because life is about sharing .

I prefer to be high and others to be high to be able to share things that are more important at the end.

I hope that the world will grow in higher level .

This is my Combat.

Merci, Thank you, Mahalo, Arigato

Combat in progress/ projection: Les Nuits Blanches, octobre 4-5 2008, 21h-4h, Mairie du 3eme

Affichage

So Combat continues.....Getting close to the date and it is getting little more concrete. Like if the whole window will be filled with combat images.

Combat is not my life

My life had been taken over by my work "Combat" since a long time.

People consider me as a "pop" artist because of this work which is totally a strange perspective for me.

I guess other works represents much more of who I am and my preoccupation, even combat is part of them.... but this is the work that is supposed to be the most social of all,have the largest public, and I guess because the point of this work from the beginning was to work with other people.

This work began because in winter 2003, I was surrounded by suicidal people.
This was my resistance towards them and my only message.

This last work I am working on at the present will be somewhere a point, a mark , a chapter of this work.

This work with other people has been long and difficult.

I have redone many process over and over and going and out of imaginary skins of people.

110 people is too much for this work as a group. If there will be another combat in larger group this will need to be conducted differently as a workshop.

This time I attempted to use the textiles that can be found in this neighborhood.
I found the Chinese scarves to work with. First was the excitement of finding something new. Fresh in material,thickness,color and design.
Then I came to the point where it was not enough to express all context.

There was a simple question I asked people to help me get into their world.

The most popular answer concerning favorite color was ; purple and red.
Many people liked the pattern : silhouette of people or writing.
Country they were interested in were varied.

I ran into one of the people who had participated and talked to him.
He was surprised that I remembered him. I could have called him by first name, said what he he liked as many others people if not all.

This is the strangest thing about combat.It is not like photography where one shares a time with another when shooting.

Some Photographer spends a lot of time photographing and I prefer this way of photographing. I remember a sentence that a photographer said to me about this relationship with the model. " One foot in another out." Because the moment taking photography is like a love story in it's self many model feels attached to the photographer.

In my case, I felt I was more attached to them.

Again I am writing about this work..... The longest of all process of works was the first to the second step, the part I transferred them from color to black in white. I had a difficulty working with different facial structures and adapting to the photo booths quality change.

Many failed attempts were painful but when i end it, it was like if I never worked on it.

So I was saying at the beginning..... combat is not my life.... it isn't and I hope my work will end soon and feel as these painful experiences never happened as if it was just a dream.

New images from Combat

Had been too much text recently on the blog.
All these images will be shown at the nuit blache , october 4....hopefully.

some other imges on Combat Blog.

Peace

Oslo Screen Festival October 24th-26th 2008 / Blond Ambition

My work Blond Ambition will be shown at Oslo Screen Festival at the end of October.
Very happy to learned that they have chosen this work as part of the competition even I am not into competition.
There will be 53 pieces shown.
If you are in Oslo, please go and see the festival.

Meeting Pepe

I was walking up the stairs with Nadege and Marcelo.
We did not know if this was the right place, we ask the woman that we met on a way up if there was some kind of conference going on... she said "no, but there are food and drinks so you should go up..." We were totally feeling relaxed from the afternoon fresh air,we were bit out of space, what is going on, where are we?

We went to a rabbit island where we seen no rabbits talking about how life leads us to certain destiny. Beautiful day, sunny, we got on a boat where a 16 yrs old girl was the boat attendant , tomboy like with freckles on her face... we took the wrong boat but she asked the captain if he could drop us off before heading to another island.

Silent,it felt as if we were less than 10 people on this tiny place, we go to the bar order some drinks, taste a bitter Norwegian apple juice in late afternoon sun light.

We took the boat back, continue to speak, about what life is made out.

On the top floor there are two men standing, I say "I am looking for Pepe do you know where he is?"

A man with white flower shirt smiles and says "hay, you made it." and shakes my hand firmly. he continues " go and get some drinks.... and then we can go." so we follow his advice and take a glass each and then go to the front part of the artist house.

The artist house looks like a museum, nothing like a community gathering place, we sit in the terasse and Pepe asks us what do we want to drink... He says " Norway is expensive so let me invite you." We were surprised by this person, who understood our impression without even us commenting on it...and his hospitality of receiving us.

His face, almost looking like some kind of fluffy animal, may be a hamster,expands when he smiles, this face changes all the time while he is speaking and it was almost like looking at a Manga character.

He explains that right now he is working on a play.

I tell him about his first album from 1997, made me high.
It was so powerful that i took up the video camera and started to film.
He explain to me that this was when he was working a lot with sound collection from internet and making music.
He told me that it was a crazy period because people from everywhere contacted him to collaborate since it was something new.

Nadege had a neck problem, Marcelo was getting cold so we spent a brief moments together saying that we will meet another day.

We met couple days later. He told me he had seen the video. I met Pepe because i wanted him to have a copy of the Blond Ambition as he generously said YES to my use of his track Japanese for travellers.

We ate together and he told us about his other project with his partner Amanda.
He took us to his studio, gave me a book on the work by Keiichi Tanaami.
Just got hooked by his image when I saw a poster on the wall.

My son says " Obake, are they obake ?" His works makes me think of European underground art scene with over ground contemporary Japanese art.

I ask Pepe how does he go about it in the art world being who he is?

He explains that he is a Punk so if he thinks the context isn't right he says simply "Fuck you".

What a good lesson for me, who tries too often to be polite and trying to find a way out but when time goes longer, the game becomes more difficult and i blow up because at the end i am silently saying the same thing as Pepe from beginning and I know i am not interested in the game.

But he says he is also being polite sometimes because he is not the original punk generation.

Very inspiring person and works.

His works can be seen on: www.liveart.org

combat: Images en couleur : Images on color

combat: Images en couleur : Images on color

My first website

www.mikinitadori.com

In the past I thought,I could ever have my own website.
I have tried some programs, but it did not work, my multiples looked always so small while they were supposed to be bigger.....Some friends told me they will show me how it works but it never happened because I thought I could not have documents ready.

and on top of it, I thought it was much more fun to write a blog than have a website.

Why did i make it?

Just a phrase from Catherine.

She mentioned the combat blog and said I should update it and so on.
We are almost reaching autumn.... where I would need to make some shows.

I said might as well and suddenly began.

Everything was much more easier than I imagined.

If you are curious about seeing the over all ideas of my work or know little bit about them, i think they are fine.

Please take a look and let me know your thoughts.

Miki Nitadori Works

Hello, I just made a presentation of some of my works.
Please have a look.

Outre-Mer : des memoires coloniales by Yoyo Gonthier and Marie Gueret

When we stand in front of the Arc des triomphe and smile at a camera, do we think of what the monument really consist of?
I had been photographed in front of it couple times and remember that I was just hoping that photographs are taken quickly so the person who had taken the photographs can say, they saw me in Paris.

As a foreigner, when we go and see the Arc des triomphe, we are almost conditioned to the idea of glory and beauty of Paris. And if we go little further, we think of people who fought for France during the WW II.
But most of us do not go further than this.

When we look at the arch at the end of the world's famous Champs-Elysees, We don't arrive to think that many colonized country's citizen had fought during the WW II to have their people's rights and to give their lives for their countries future.

This is why this work is important for French, colonized country's citizens as well as people who are visitors or long term residents.

If we walk along the path of photography by Yoyo Gonthier on this subject, around France there are many traces concerning this subject.

These signs ( he photographed since 2003) are mainly a memorial to the death of people from colonized nation that fought for France.

The different signs ( in black and white) are projected on untreated steel sheet, slowly disappearing and the new sign appear.

The slowness of speed and how everything disappear and are replaced by new sign made me think of civilization replaced by another as if these signs continue to change infinitely. steel sheet made me think of how anonymous and replaceable our individual lives are facing a nation.

Yoyo's photographs of memorial monuments are shot in 6x6 printed in watercolor paper. These square images are mounted on wood and are placed on the floor to make a larger square.

At beginning, these images gave me the feeling of looking at eye pleasing monuments from the past.
When I look at them further I understand that they were for the people who fought the war and lost their lives. After few seconds more , suddenly they hit me, it is not the past but the present, that that each monuments made France: the large square.

I think the images are placed on the ground because they are not for admiration but seen as what it is, the basis of construction of France.

There are different documents that is in the pink wall room concerning Colonialism.
The pink is bubbly and it gives the impression on something pleasurable but when we look into the content, they are documents of what happened during the history of colonization.
Mainly documents that created difference between people.

In first sight, the works seems quite objective, some choice of famous monuments and the way the installation of the works were made gave me the different entrances to the subject .
After the first 10 second and start seeing and reading documents, emotional text of Sophie Maurer,( I was moved deeply by her text as well.) and very clear and knowledgeable introduction of Marie Gueret provide us with different ideas on the colonial history.
This can lead us to viewing them in more personal level and that bring us to understand of what it has been and bring us further to be part of what is the present.

Thank you for the invitation. Bravo!

Yoyo Gonthier and Marie Gueret

Espace Khiasma

16 rue chassagnolle
93260 Les Lilas
www.Khiasma.net
01.43.60.69.72

Metro: Porte des lilas

Blond Ambition installation

Photographs by Bernd Lauber

My uncles

You can tell your uncle stuff that you could not tell your dad. That is kind of the role of an uncle.
Dusty Baker

I wonder if many people have a strong attachment to their uncles in this world that is based upon nuclear family structure.
I have. Even I was living far away from them for many years, they were always part of my life.

I guess in Japanese family structure many people feel oppressed by the presence of their family.

I felt this way when I was younger thinking that they did not approve of me.
I felt responsible of not being able to full fill a role as part of my tribe in their values.
But I understood that even at times,when I was totally out of their philosophy of living, they accepted me as I was... And trusted and cared for me.
They did not try to give me a lesson, rather they shared with me of who they were with conversations.
I learned a lot, joked a lot and laughed a lot with them.

I thank them for being there always.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.”

“Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage.”

“For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else.”

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”

Amercian poet, beautiful spirit.

Becoming a happy girl again

After a short dep, I went to the market to buy some grapefruit and made subtiles for the video.

Really inspiring to work with small space to see how it can all fit together.
It became one minute longer because i decided to run the credit slower but otherwise it stays quite the same.
It is strange to think how working on something meaningful personally can help to get out of strange meloncoly.
Also meeting people who understand your work and bring you further to understand it.
For me it is quite rare to meet people who actually give me such experiences.
But when it happens, it is also a boost to go futher.
And this is what makes worth while when we make things, the experience of sharing.

I was talking yesterday about "Combat" (one of my works.) when kidergarden children visited my show and they loved them that they decide to work about it in their school.

This made me think of how i really did not appreciate the European paintings from 15th to early 20th centry when i was younger, even upto early 20's. Then I met this art historian teacher who was passionate and shared her personal vision on different paintings and stories. i became an addict to the Louvre after that. She encourage us to see it personally and express our vision.

After all many things that is made by humans are about being passionate and having the chance to exchange what comes into our brain.... they are abstract senses and suddenly they become a word and then a phrase.

Very magical.

After an opening

Thank you to everyone who made it to the opening of the exhibition.

I met David, a very friendly and humble photographer, who made a great work on Japan.
He explained me a couple of feelings he had in Japan and I appreciated his vision and how he expressed it.
The photograph that he took of an actor between the two houses is what we don't see often in the western world .
He found Japan so clean, so he choose this space (i think) where there were little bit of rubbish in a empyty space, inbetween the classical Japanese house, and the contemporary house.
I said to him that I thought of Agfa film tone but then i thought of astia tones....
Anyhow, it was really Japan in the sense with a girl with a ribbon dress, perfect with the red hermes kelly bag (?).
My Mama used to beg me often to dress more correctly and yes I often forgot how dressing is very important to Japanese
culture.
He told me also about seeing the lines everywhere in Japan. It is true that Japan is full of lines visually and socially.
This is why I think David's work is intersting. Because it is a fresh vision and for people who are used to seeing Japan, it is something normal and we don't even recognize as a representation of our mentality and culture.
Thank you David!

On my side, I was happy to be able to show my work, that was difficult with the help from my partner.
I thank Eric who told me he watched it 10 times... I was worried that if he did not get sick of it.
All my friends who came and M. Badard for coming during his busy schedule.

When I work on the expo meaning i do everything from A to Z, creation to installation, it is very similer to giving a birth to a child.
I work on the high till everything is done with the best as I can with the elements I have.
The birth is done, and i go into the state of mind of baby blues.
Most people are very unaware of this state, except certain friends who go through the same feeling.
When people ask me

are you happy about the opening?

I am too numb to answer this question because I gave everything I could to what i do.
I am Thankful to all the help I had and Thankful to the people who took their time to come and see it, Marie who told me that made her almost cry because she understood the work.

But I am already living in the joy and pain of the work existing here where I can't count on Celine ( who I shared the room with after the birth of my son.) and totally feeling meloncolic within.

I don't mind people who dislike or did not think of anything of my work but i don't enjoy people who think of their credit in my account.

This is the monkey business that once some said to me and surely it is a totally uncurable disease.

I attempt to stay away but it constantly comes back because we are in the system.

It is like fleas I try to get rid of but they are there and will suck my blod till the last drop.

And these type of people often think they are the best,and i am sure they are and I like to give them my Bravos.

But I like to be left alone because i am just who i am, nothing more or less.

Oh, yes, I am feeling the blues. I should clean my head and do the laudry so i can feel little more clean.

No worries, it is only a state that will pass.

Anyhow, I would appreciate if you stop by @ the expo to see David's and my work when you can.

Video "Blond Ambition" @ Galerie Lacen

Blond Ambition: 00:03:23 2008'

How can we define Japan?

What is a racial consciousness and how do we define our ethnic identity as an individual?

The question have been present in my life since 12 years old when I moved to Maui, Hawaii.

I made this video to express the complexity to define a person in a frame of a national identity and to ask the viewer the question on “what is a racial identity?”

“Identity” can be only recognized where there is a difference.

How do we define who and who doesn't belong to a nation ?

Are people competent to racially identify other people or is it something that we define by ourselves?

My national identity was built by living among non-Japanese people who told me that I was Japanese.

My ethnic identity is what I have received from my family and friends who gave me love and shared their existences.

In this context, I feel that my origin is marked under my skin.

This video is my autobiography.

My quest to redefine a point of view on what does Japanese mean to me.

I worked on this piece to share with public my ethnic identity that are filled with family history and laughter.

Laughter is what I identify as being Japanese.

We laugh not because it is funny but as a physical out let, a process to accept mentally of what had happened and what is now. We laugh to be able to consider the past as a spring to jump into the present, as we can only be here and now and go forward.

The title “Blond Ambition” comes from my experience in Japan during the late 90's. Couple of years after the economic bubble had popped, it was hip to get jobs at newly opened western company branches. During this time, I was surprised to see in Tokyo subways that many people of all ages had dyed their hair other than black. I saw that this period was an important social transition in Japanese society.

The Music is extract from" Japanese for travellers" by NOOD. The sound is over lapped with differnt interview extracts that I recorded in 2002 based upon the question "What does Japanese Mean to you?"

This video will be shown at Galerie Lacen till July 5th.

Exposition du 24 mai au 5 juillet 2008
www.lacengalerie.com 57 rue de bretagne - Paris 3°
info@lacengalerie.com t é l . : 0 1 4 2 7 7 3 4 4 4
du mardi au samedi 10-19h - lundi rdv

awake

In a phone booth

In between Combat we need triumph

Every moment we breath is a triumph.
I guess this is what matters... some people told me it is money, some people said it is fame, what ever it is all become just a past memory, what we will remeber is only what we lived.
I made this work inbetween Combat in spring 2003.
It began with pulling out my photographs i have acumilated between 1996 to 2004.
What gave me strength.
and what i cherish as experiences.
love and hate, jealousy and illusion, joy and strength, solitude and harmony ....

The technic used for creating this work is reprography.


This is my triumph....and it is also a triumph for everyone.

everything changed except certain things

Salon des agriculture

Memo after meeting

Spiderman combat

Sleep

She escaped in her sleep of awakeless.

Memory of combat by...... we don't know.... i do but i am not supposed to say

I like these images because they are like manual.

Combat: Mairie du 3eme 06-02-2008

Photos par Bernd Lauber

Installation A la Mairie du 3eme

photos par Bernd Lauber

Invitation Mairie du 3eme

Manuel de survie quotidienne

Just wanna have fun.

When was the last time i laughed my head off ?
This was a common state when my buddy Murali and Michel used to live in Paris.
After their departure, i lived many horrible relationships that waisted time and energy.
Lonlieness is a state that makes people do many things that they don't need to.

Now i am again in a context that i can laugh my lungs out.
Instead, i am writing my project proposition all day and all night and all day and all night.
Thankfully i have my friend Cat who done the most important things.
I really care about what i do. and i am lucky to have friends who give me the help i need and it had always been this way.

Couple of days ago, i was finishing up a file for Japan, knowing that this file did not make sense as the timing was too late.
It was really a great file but my eyes were full of tears.....i said to my partner that i could not go on like this.

he said " yap, you are probably right there, you are so serious about your art now. Do you remember how you used to make an installation per month, totally low budget and spontanious? They were good works and you were having fun."

I was happy to do this in 99 @ squat of rivoli,cleaning and making the space with everyone, making works, recieving the public, participating in the parties that were so good as everyones were in trance, if there were no physical form of existence but spirit moving and making sound.
Today, i am not looking for what i lived, but i am looking to work alternatively again.
I am missing a space where people come and see works. I think that i did not appreciate enough at the time to have such oppertunity. I took it for granted.

I am now coming to a point where i see art as a way of living rather than living for art.

My point today is to have fun in what i do.

Scout Niblett

live in Paris, Nouveau Casino, December 17, 2007


These last years i only got real music experience by my friend Peter who would each time bring me new music he found intersting.
Then one day Bernd introduced me to scout Niblett.
It was really good concert.

May you be

For 2008 i kept thinking what i could say to friends and family as entering the new year.
I had no answer.
So i kept thinking about it and it just popped into my head.

"May you be happy.
May you be Safe .
May you be healthy.
May you be peaceful ."

I used to chant this during the winter 2003 to my friends, family, enemies and myself.

"May you be"

During this time, a guy gave me a bad look, asked me if i was wishing a death of my enemy.
i was .... and right after that i read somewhere that if i had such thought i was giving further life span to the enemy.
Thus to shorten their lives i decided to wish them what will i wish for my beloved.

After all my enemies made me see what i did not want in life and i should thank such spirits.

Maybe our teachers are whom we disagree the most and will hate their existence day by day.

Because this will bring us close to our own spirit as reflecting mirror and leave the person for ever when the lesson is learned.


I would like to do the same this beginning of the year.
To my friends, family and enemies.

Miss Van / Atame

Does "Atame" means attach- me in spanish?
This is the title of Miss Van's works shown in Galerie Magda Danysz.
The series is inspired by real story.

Her exhibition is very physical and impressive.
Even i like to know the story, we don't need to.
They are sensual, melancholic,curvy ,hairy, strong and submissive to one self.

I feel as the work is about process of liberating oneself.

I somehow had a feeling she works with what she lived, maybe i wrong, i don't know enough about her work.

I admire how she uses her surface, goat skin(?) and woods especially, the way she makes the surface live... and also her installation.

I also like how she made the choice to frame her drawings in heavily decorated metal frames that gives somewhere a

reference to classical drawing. That becomes a piece in it's self. we can't separate the two.

She is talented and so is her dealer.

I think this is what makes art grow, individually and socially.




Galerie Magda Danysz,
78, rue Amelot - Paris 11

la galerie est située dans le Haut Marais
proche de la rue Saint Claude et de la rue des Filles du Calvaire

horaires :
ouvert du mardi au vendredi de 11h à 19h
et le samedi de 14h à 19h

smoke

smoking was my long time habit.
I began smoking when i came to Europe.
It made me feel like an adult when i smoked.
i covered my solitude in the smoke .
In reality I did not enjoy cigarette. Each time i only smoked less than a half of a cigarette.
People used to tell me , why do you smoke then, you are wasting your money.
I always said that i was an addict.

The only time i liked smoking was the first one in the morning.

I stopped smoking in September. i bought a nicotine patch and tried it for two days.
It made me sick,so i abandoned the patch.

Since then i kicked the daily habit.
Nothing changed except i am less tired.
Friends say that they wish they can stop.... but they say that they are addicted to it.
I realized that i was not addicted to smoking.
I was addicted to the idea of being hooked on the smoke.
But smoke made my body heavy and never really gave me the pleasure.

I say that people who smoke are idealist.
People who wish that life will be better .
I think somewhere in an act of smoking there is little voice of hope.
Even how twisted it looks it is an act of wish for a change in the present. That is often the reason why people smoke.

I understand the feeling.

That is why when my son goes telling adults smoking is bad, i tell him it is matter of choice.

Face book to the sky

I was telling a friend that i will never join the face book.
That was only couple of weeks ago.
i don't know why but 4 days ago i decided to join and since that moment i got in touch with many of old school friends.
Wow i was completely in shocked with how we can get in touch with people we went to school in a split of second.
If net did not exist, we would have not got in contact.
Even we tried it may take years to find each other, and it's not even sure.
This makes me happy, i can virtually hug friends, that's nice.

Yes Vladimir, we are looking at the sky. our son wants to see you! he asked if you were coming to dinner next week.
Are you?

Seven random and/ or weird facts about myself

Kento
left me a message few days back to write 7 random and/or weird facts about myself and then tag 7 more bloggers to do the same.


Here are the rules:
Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog. Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself. Tag 7 random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs. Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

7 random and /or weird facts about myself

1. I consider most things are not so weird.
2.I wake up in the morning having a stomach ache.
3. I am often protected by my son.
4. I am bad at being diplomatic.
5.I am curious.
6. I think about swimming almost everyday.
7. I long for the place that only exist in my mind.

So i am going to tag the following people:

1. Marie Docher

2. onicale

3. 8 infinity

4. i heart fabric

5. yuko

6. fluttercrafts

7.jafabrit

Mahalo to all !

Alexei Vassiliev exhibition till 16 December

I have seen 3 exhibition of Alexei's.
I think this is the best one i have been to.
If you are near paris, please go and see it, i think you will be satisfied.
I was happy to see this exhibition.
Because it is the most complete exhibition of his work which gives us further experience and understanding of his work.

Works are well lit, especially the piece with a black man in yellow back ground... no photos here but.

When i first entered this exhibition, i was able to smoothly go into his world. many of his pieces are big that give us the physical sensation.

poetic, sometimes melancholic, and most times energetic that gives us the feeling of hope for the moment after.

His work is not about reasoning.

It is living them in reality.

one of my favorite piece is the green one on the photo.

I recommend it !

his website: http://pagesperso-orange.fr/vassiliev/

Water field (0:41)

I made these images in 97.
When i was in Suibara, Niigata for 21 days.
I have been wanting to make a form of this work for last 10 years.
At beginning it was too painful to look at them.
I was broken.
I went out day after day, most day in the rain and some days in snow to photograph.
Why?
Because this was what kept me here.
As i was in solitude, the only thing i could do was to walk and photograph what was around me.

And now that i am able to accept what it was.... it became meaningful.

This is not a lesson, it is an experience.

My Japan by Patrick Jallageas

After Arles 06, Dominique sends me an e-mail saying that he met a photographer who showed him a photograph of me.

I got in touch with Patrick since that moment sometimes we exchange words, .

I think this is a good work and i would like you to see it.

The title of the series is called "my Japan".

He had never been there....but in his series we are here in Japan.

There is no doubt, this is where i was born in.... view by a photographer.

Maybe it is more japan than ever it can be.

They are poetic experience that make us travel.

At the same time make us wonder about photography.

What we know becomes the string of creating the photographic experiences.


web

http://patrick.jallageas.free.fr


He has a blog too.

http://patrickjallageas.blogspot.com/

Gustave Moreau

Once a girl said to me that "Gustave Moreau" is her favorite painter.
This was long time ago....
Only couple days ago,i went to this museum for the first time .
I think no reproductions of his painting could portray his work .
His work is rich and in any document size we can't really feel the power of them.
So I will put an image as reference but be aware that it has nothing to do with seeing the real works.

i thought i did not like his work.....but actually i was in shock when i went into his atelier space.
It was no longer a question of liking or disliking them.
I could not ignore the strength that each painting carried.
The masses of large scale paintings filled the entire wall from top to bottom.
By being in this space i felt oppressed.
And each painting become like a breath or a way out.

The paintings are violent and tender, strong and compassionate.

His paintings are probably very confusing because the drawing and painting are used in opposite ways.
At first, i thought he was a bad painter.... than more i looked at drawing skills, i understood that this was a choice that he made, even it was not what we know as a "good" choice.
I think what makes his paintings out standing through out the time is his spirit and his choices such as making a museum in his family home and combining these two opposite use of techniques.
After visiting this place i wanted to get to know him, who was this man?
I found out he was a teacher of Henri Rousseau and Henri Matisse.
I thought this painting by rousseau shows the traces of Moreau's world.




Peter said looking at Moreau's paintings were like looking at the psychedelic paintings from the 70's.

I recommend this visit !

Musée national Gustave-Moreau
14, rue de La Rochefoucauld F-75009 PARIS
info@musee-moreau.fr

Téléphone : +33 1 48 74 38 50
Fax : +33 1 48 74 18 71

Accès
Métro : Trinité ou Saint Georges
Bus : 67, 68, 74, 32, 43, 49.

Horaires
Tous les jours de 10 h à 12h45 et de 14h à 17h15.
Fermeture le mardi.

Video work on combat

I have been looking for another space to make live this work.

Probably it is a general state of mind these days... yes i am looking for another type of surface to show my work.

I have thought of the winter of 99 where i made 1 installation per month in a room in 59 rue rivoli. I thank every people who took a part in this movement, people who gave the kindness for my work to breath.

Anyway this is my new space of work.

I personally think the first part was maybe enough but i am actually very happy about this.

Enjoy!

happy valley

Walked through happy valley to find what i thought would give me joy.

What is being an artist ?

This is Aurelie (few years ago) and she is a painter. Her painting is powerfully perfect and it shakes us.
We can't stay indifferent towards her work... because it is ironic and funny and at the same time make us want that our world to be different.
Her works before were more of ideology towards present life.
With what she lived and how she evolved her work changed.
I appreciate Aurelie because she will tell me the truth.
As considerate as she is, she gives us challenges towards this wicked world.
When i see her work, i forget all about the money monkey business.....even it is showing about this.
Because her who paints these large format painting tells me to stop lying to myself.
This makes people love her work because somewhere we are all looking for the way out.
Her painting is better than confession because we are physically faced with it.
We compromise too often to things we don't agree.

Aurelie awake us from this insanity of greed that maybe part of human nature.

New land

This morning i arrived to this place which i call it a "new land"
How did i get here? i don't remember because lately i have been dealing with bull shit that brought me so far.
i actually prefer this place. it's warm here, it does not look like it but .
This new land is not on the map but it exists, the air is pure, wind is strong and what is around us becomes part of our body.
No one seems to be around.... i walk towards the hill and go towards the ocean.
where are you? do you live here? do you breath the same air as i breath? do you believe that money is god?
I don't see you, in fact i only see the fish from infinity and a dog horse that passed next to me.
I now see a town, we human like to live close to each other so we are not alone.
oops i think this new land only exist in my mind.... do you see it ?

F

Combat blog

http://mikinitadoricombat.blogspot.com/

Here is the blog of Combat.
It shows some recent works.
Please check it out.

Ma Mer

who cares about others?

Sadly till today only few people had commented on the work i did with others.
People say they are private and so i should rap them deep inside my closet.
I have not considered them as private images.
I guess once an image take a form on a surface, it is no longer private because they are for other people.
For me,private is a space where an image exist in our mind which has no physical existence.
I am disappointed because i thought there are no difference between myself and others when i make images.
For me it is the same shell and once i work on the images i give my best.

I care about these images of others........ and i guess i will not leave them in side the closet.

As my painting teacher used to say to me that i should make at least 100 attempts. So then i can forget about the idea and become.

What was it like?

LES ELYSEES DE L'ART

Life after

WIP (yes it is work in progress)

Look like this

I have been working on new pieces on series "Combat"

They will be shown at the fair at Bernard's stand in October.

The date and address :

Les elysees de l'art
Avenue des champs Elysee ( in level of petit palais towards concorde)
Galerie Bernard Dudoignon

18-22 october 11 to 20:30
monday 22 will open 11 to 19:00

"Please make the work that look least like you."
But they are not supposed to look like me... it should look like you!

This time the work will include other people as a subject matter and new compositions, ideas, somewhere more provocative which i am looking for another place to make an installation....

I will not be able to put it on the web before , if you want to see them please see them in real.

"LOOK LIKE THIS " is a fast sequence shooting, thinking of a photographic pieces from Trancy Emin where woman is collecting money in between her legs, A friend getting send back to his country, Anger on the streets during Nuit blanche, Thinking of the balance between motherhood and womanhood, failed, missing and distance friendships and all the things that makes me an addict that is only there to be realized that has no true satisfaction.
These are supposed to be angry or at least contain little bit of energy towards construction.

light

calabria 1

Calabria is profoundly touching.
lands are made of mountains and they are surrounded by ocean.
Water is crystal clear and warm.
Food is excellent and people are capable to make most of the things they need.
People are friendly and helpful.

Yes, we were in this southern part of Italy.
How can i show what we lived in this place?

These photographs are shot by my son.
looking into the view finder, he captured what he saw.

Calabria 2

cake and bike and 70's

Cake used to live in an apartment with Yves. It was old and filled with things. it had a particular smell of the past.
she was someone who drew all the time.
We used to sit for hours drawing and fighting. she would cry when she got drunk and then argue to my bones when i finally gave up and left. In the morning , she would ring my bell to eat breakfast together. She always said that she was sorry.
Today, i passed in front of where she used to live.
I am not nostalgic as "Everything but the girls" because i see cake quite often even we live apart since many years,

St.Honore is not my cup of tea.
I came here today because my classmate was showing his work at Colette.
I have not set a foot in this place since the moment it opened.
It was very crowded. well dressed people everywhere.
"biker" is the world far away from me.
apparently this is an exhibition organized in relation to the first bike film festival in Paris.
I look for his work. Ryuta, where is your work?
I look at photographs of people with bikes and saw an embroidery work that pleased my eyes.
In the middle of the stairs, the only space without much noise, i see his painting.
Square painting. Perfectly accomplished in 4 flat layers. red-rose and white back ground, motif as if it was coming from his experience. I see a biker in white.
Through his work, i felt as i could understand the feeling of this culture that i would like to be part of. Maybe one day.
oops i missed looking at the bags that he designed.
I stand in front of the painting for a while. a girl who was walking behind me hesitates to cut through me......she seemed to understood what i was doing.
She goes on the top floor and take a moment to look at the work .

I saw in the entrance of Colette a book by Moriyama Daido.
What a strong spirit. Just looking at an image gives me a pinch on my curled back.
His work from the 70's .
I would like to see his series from Hawaii.

Letters

My friend Virginie told me about Rilke's "letter to a young poet",
I began reading the letters and thought how generous the space of letter are.
Addressing each word to a person is probably when we hear the most truthful things.
Writing a letter to a person can be highest form of intimacy.
The letter is a space that is another reality, which isn't part of the space it is written or space that is sent to.
It is the space where the two physical space becomes one and another place.
It can be eternal within people or can be gone at the moment a letter is thrown into the waist basket.
I enjoy the physical aspects of the letters written by hand.
We can see the coffee stains , we can feel the choice of words and how it is written.
Often, we visually see the person who is writing them.

There are letters that i keep close to me and read it all the time.... sometimes i recycled them to post cards to send them to other people, other times i throw them away.

When internet area came i stopped writing hand written letters.
I feel that i lack of time which is only a false reasoning.

I do not write any longer because we don't have the space of jet lag to dream and think about the reality that we are not in.
We don't have a space to wonder what may be their reality and envy to share this space by giving part of us.

If we want to get in touch, we just pick up the phone or write a e-mail. It's easier and faster.

But sometimes i miss this space.

choice

post cards

I used to enjoy making post cards.Maybe i still do, it is just that i have no freed myself to do so.
I was thinking yesterday about what Isabelle said " Every day we are born". I was also overlapping with the quote from gandhi, "Live today as if it was the last day of your life." and also the interview of Yu Miri" We think of dying because we live fully"

"Igime"/ bullying

I was looking for informations on Japanese education on the web.
I looked at the site of ministry of eduction and one of the main topic was "Igime", bullying in schools.
I was lucky in japan, despite the fact i was a girl coming back from another country, this never happened to me.
To avoid to be the target, my mother bought me a navy grandma's skirt that i wore with clean but out of fashion shirts.
i never spoke of the place i lived and said Japan was what i preferred. This was not such a lie because i was so happy to leave where i used to live.
One afternoon, first week of school, i almost became a person who will be bullied. At the moment,one of my best friends till today came and told the girl off. This is also a particularity of Japanese bullying. Once it starts it continues for months and years and it gets worst and worst.
Group is the essence of survival in school. If we belong to a group that is about 5 to 6 girls . we are okay as long as we are not in a group where bored and potentially mean people are in.
I avoided people who are physically ugly and out spoken, competitive or saw that they were mean.
Mostly groups are for protection. We do not get to know everyone even we do everything together with these people during school.
Japanese school system were tough. We have a strong pressure of doing well in school.
We act as we are like everyone else while we are not.
As school teachers do not really care or aren't concerned about students, we have no relationship with them.
It is a mistake to seek help from most teachers or appoint teachers to control behavior because this is mostly superficial.
We are speaking about the same issues over last 30 years.
The only solution i see is that every school have a psychologist where the students who are bullying have long term counseling.
Then the parents of the student who are bullying and teacher who is responsible for the student should also have a therapy.
Because these are the people who need help.
We need to focus on the people who do it and the context that allows it.
Usually we concentrate on the victims and it's surroundings. But is it the victim that creates problems?
"where one's freedom ends, another person's freedom starts."
We are all different.

Gandhi

"We must become the change we want to see." Gandhi

It is 60 years since India became independent.
I bought a photography book on Gandhi's life.
What an irony, he believed in the equality of all man except reporters and photographers.

"I can not teach you violence as i do not myself believe in it. I can only teach you not to bow your heads before anyone even at the cost of your life." Gandhi

"In the attitude of silence the soul finds the path in a clearer light, and what is elusive and deceptive resolves itself into crystal clearness. Our life is a long and arduous quest after Truth." Gandhi


Happy birthday to you, Andy .

Arles 07

On sunday,I came back from "rencontres photographie d'arles."
I am fond of this event because i find the city of arles poetically constructed and the places that they organize exhibitions being exceptional. They use many spaces that are abandoned most of the year which gives another dimension to the works.
i found Mathieu Pernot 's work at Capitole, abandoned cinema was interesting in the context.
The best installation in this sense for me was JR's works at wall of de atelier de forges.
I have seen his work in Paris but i think it was more powerful to expose in a space where walls were on the way to being totally demolished.
The space and work became one by presenting photography in the full scale of the 2 walls.
Portrait's skin and the wall became one which gave feeling of life.
I imagine that this work will continue to evolve till the end of the exhibition.

This festival is really about meeting.
Meeting the people that tell you their story of photography and life.
exchanging the view points on exhibition.
And how most of the people who organize events are photographers themselves.
I have a feeling that we are often too busy trying to show our work and we miss the point .
We also meet many other photographers.
And if the festival "voies off" did not exist, we would meet less people for sure.
This festival is probably the strength of arles, having a place where we can meet in conviviality makes people come to Arles.

Good person

Charlie says to Arja that she is sounding like me when she says "He/she is a good person."
I don't think that the world is made out of "good people"
"Good person" is an exception.
What i mean by "good person" are people who are able to turn their experiences to construction for themselves and others.
I prefer inspiration rather than unlimited vomit of pain.
This term "good person" are close to my definition of "good works".
I care about the works that are based on personal experiences that gives emotions,sensations and reflections.
i think suffering is a good start but I am not interested in seeing images that only represents the state.
When we are able to turn these hardship so the viewer can fly, i guess this is something meaningful.
Because we all know what suffering feels like, we are looking for the way out...at least i am.
I believe in escape, i see no point in breaking myself to the past that i can't change, i only think of how can i change them within me,

taste of chocolate with dried sausage 1

Today at lunch, i at 4 fish fingers and 2 pieces of cheese.
i became a slave of bad organization and acting like busy people making useless movements out of a thought of "busyness".
I guess this is why we call working "Business" because the essence is to be "busy".
This assist us to think that we merit the money that we earn because we are keeping the true meaning of the word ; "STAYING BUSY". I guess this is a hard drug for people who learned that we need to deserve what we get.
Moral lessons make us blind so we can walk towards light.
Light of having social power that can beat us to our mortality.
" Time is money".
This combination of two words sound like taste of chocolate with dried sausage.

taste of chocolate with dried sausage 2

Crossing path

Paris is a small city.
In this city we see people we know all the time.
we cross paths of people that the relationship is gone for ever.
we meet the people who are in our daily lives.
We meet the people that we are found of but lost contact with because of life condition.
This morning we met Damian (and Seb) who gave me a book called the prophet 5 years ago.
This made me happy.

Place to visit

Andy P is one of my oldest friends in Europe. We met when we were in depressive teenage hood.
He was teachers favorite and he had a fan club.
I was teacher's enemy #1 and had no fan club of my own so i was hanging out with Andy's .
Some teachers used to discourage Andy to be friends with me. i was apparently a bad influence.
But instantly from the moment we met we were always together.
In our common space, i was as serious as he was and he was bad as i was.
That is why we were close and always were able to stay friends.
Andy is a space for me to instantly speak of what i am feeling.
If i don't do so he tries to get it out from me.
i think he does this to me because he is the kind of person who don't chat.
Andy was my shelter for many years.
Today he is a place to visit.

Sister

I spoke of brother, but i actually have the best sister.
my sister taught me about life.
i learned about how i had to be careful of street dogs because if they bite, i will become a howling wolf.
When i was 7, i learned about "Minamata" disease , the mercury drain from factory that took place in Japan during 70's.
This disease marked me emotionally as much as Hansen's disease.
There are images that were taken by Eugene Smith, the most known image is Tomiko Uemura in her bath.

i am glad to have a sister, who helped me to grow.

Time is the remedy

This was taken 14 years ago.....can it be? no it was taken in 96 just before Pj took off to Canada.
I got used to not having contact with him.
Out of the blue i got a mail about his blog.
I look into it and saw his love for nature.
If you like landscape painting please check it out.

http://peterartjarvis.blogspot.com/


I took out the old image to look at his face to understand who he was for me.
When i look at this image, i thought of the brother i always wanted to have.
The brother, i could count on that was never there when i needed him as probably all real brothers.

Time is the most wonderful remedy. walk in peace .

would you Combat ?

Combat is now taking another path.
I am still continuing with the work with myself as well.

Paradise lost

Some memories of the past.

Double Reality

How many reality do we live? We have one body and limited time.
I have been working on my new work for now more than 2 years.
Is it the time I need? Or is it erasing the first idea and to communicate with images in silences?
Idea is good but idea is never enough for me to live through the experiences.
Idea comes after the experiences, not before... at least for me.
Idea should stay simple, a starting point.
Nothing is ever static; even we may wish it to be.
I should leave this work. By leaving it does not disappear.
So I get into the mute maid mood. I just don't want to do anything for the sake of doing.
Bernard says, "In reality, we need to work” yes, I know you are right.
I was telling my friend Peter that I actually like not doing anything.
Peter tells me that before industrial revolution humans actually only worked for half a year.
They worked hard in summer and winter they rested.
He says that we work as much to keep up with machines.
oops, i need to go and cook.

日本にてありがとうございました。Thank you

日本の展覧会にいらして頂き誠に有り難うございました。
皆様に作品を見に来て頂きとても嬉しかったです。
私自身、日本から帰国後、少し戸惑っていました。４月と５月の２ヶ月で作品が４５枚売れたというのは今までに無い事です。
この様な事をどの様に受け止めるか、そして作品を作っていく為に今後どうすれば良いか等考えました。
今回の展覧会で理解出来た事は作品を作っている際、本当に多くの方に支えて頂いているという事です。
皆様に沢山のアドバイス、感想等を聞かせて頂き、この経験を活かせる様に作品を作っていきたいと思っています。
今後とも宜しくお願いいたします。

話は変わりますが、日本滞在に対するエピソードを書かせて頂きます。
友人の王さんに日本はどうだったと聞かれたのは３週間前。
私は教祖の多い国だと答える以外何も言葉に表す事が出来ませんでした。
彼女は教祖は何処にでもいると答え、私は自分の経験を大好きな友人に語れない事が少し残念でした。
この質問の答えを探して３週間以上が経ちます。
私が今、この答えに一番近い事を言うとしたら、思う場所は消えてしまって、見えないけれど、今回の滞在での人との対面、交わりに懐かしさや優しさを感じ、大切な自分の子供時代の記憶と重ね合わせる事が出来たという事だと思います。

Thank you for all the support during my exhibition.
During my stay in Japan, I could not find the places to go back to because they were gone but i found the meetings and time spent with you became part of my home.

Where are you?

These days i am daily living in thought of my friend Satomi san.
Thought of her is very present in last few days.
She lives in the island i have not seen in 3 and a half years.
Where are you ? Are you well?
I guess she does not look into blog as her eye sight are getting weaker.

When i think of this place where she is, i get into the sentiments like a moment that one crys out for their mother because of extream pain.
I say one day i will go back. Go back to all the places i loved.
This place that i can't leave in my mind.

Communicating through Shell

Today i was again in the metro heading to Alexei's.
When the thought came to me that i was into the idea to communicate what is inside the shell.
I have been using the shell as a visual communication tool of what is beyond the skin.
Being able to show something that we can only see through form is the challenge.
A woman who bought my work recently said to me that non of the photographs looked like me.
It is true. none of them are me, they are my shell that rap my spirit.
I wish that they are just a human being nothing more nothing less.
This is a difficulty. when i use the word "self-use", people just change the word to "self-portrait".
Today, i no longer try to explain the differences between these two terms.
I let people think it is a self-portrait if it is easier for them to get to the point of seeing.
What i am constantly attempting is visually showing images for people to feel what is between the visual surfaces.
feeling are just life, breath and air that moves through the layered surfaces that are relationships between us ,you, me and our society.

Double Maybe to fairwell

"May be" is a word that gives me a feeling that life is not upon our will but it leaves us the space to wish or imagine for something that can be realised.
"Maybe" is also a choice, rather saying that our will is what decides the future.
I am interested in both ways of understanding this word because they are opposite yet they stand on the future of no grounds.
I was taking the underground and thinking of how i used to be on the edge, very dry and nervous .
How i hated the feeling of not being comfortable yet this made me go forward without not ever knowing what maybe in front of me the next minute.
Yet i ask myself again was it really how i remember....nonono, i think i was too occupied recording thoughts for humans i cherished and forever cherish and maybe reality was not as i physically remember.They were recreated within me thus i could remember them tight in my brain and body.
Was this fear of saying constant goodbyes when i did not want to leave even it was the time to go?
I always had the perfect "Fair well " in my head,with a huge smile and to celebrate the good times shared yet it happened more like as my mouth pulled down as i was a child of 5 years old. Even i tried to smile and be sane,tears run and i wish i could STOP the time.
Yet every goodbyes were needed.
The most silent ones to unbelievably loud ones, aggressive ones to unspoken ones.
They were all difficult and some took many years to heal.
These pain opened new doors and i can now say that i don't choose to look back.
Of course when it is comfortable, i will look back to complain and say how crazy it was.
I guess i will probably not like any goodbyes even in the future yet this act leaves the space for unknown "May be" .